On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
