can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
