You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
