Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
