I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
