im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
