When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
