I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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