She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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