Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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