Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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