so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
