There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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