I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
