Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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