Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
