Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
