That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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