i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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