so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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