I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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