i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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