That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
