ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
