If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
