I showed him my bush... on skype.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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