i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
