in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you had me at cake vodka
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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