i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
