Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
And then he peed in my hair
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