Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
