A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
