So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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