you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
