i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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