Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
