It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
