I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
