I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
