uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
