I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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