I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
