Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
