my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
