You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
