Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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