he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
