I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
