we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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