She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
