Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
