There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
